Britt Lawrence

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And just like that, I’m back. Okay, it has been longer than a minute. I wish I could say I was off having the time of my life, but that would not be the true story. The end of 2021 was one of the worst of my life. That is saying something after 2021’s summer from hades. There was drama, heartbreak, crushing disappointment, and COVID. All told it was the: Worst. Christmas. Ever.

December has always been a bit tough. A birthday to remind me of getting older at the beginning of the month and the end of it to mark the conclusion of the year. It all tends to lead to a deeper assessment of whether I am happy with where things stand. This was one of the worst Decembers of my life. I will not be going back to it like Taylor Swift. The lighthouse in the storm has been Chewy.

Related: Why (And How) I Realized I Wear a Different Kind of Mask

The precious Pom managed me through the long, hard, painful December. He cuddled me when I cried, made me laugh when I felt I could not smile, and looked me in the eye when others would not dare. I love you, Chewy! He has the purest heart, and he knows what it is to learn to trust again. Unfortunately, the little guy has also been hurt, dealt with health struggles, and had to rally to believe in people again.

Chewy has inspired me to believe I can do that, too, even if it is really hard to imagine right now.

My body has been in a blender for 14 years, and my heart has not been far behind it. (It’s a long story.) Like Chewy, I have been cautious about trusting and even shyer to hope. To hope that someone would be willing to take care of a torn, tattered, and often blue heart, even if I continually work to mask how navy-colored it really is.

Chewy is the only one who knows the whole story right now. It is comforting to have his big beautiful soul to lean on, treasure, and count on. Putting yourself on the line is never easy, and I have learned one too many times that I have been too willing to invest my heart in an emotional bank account where it deserved no credit.

When 2022 started, my morale was low, and the thought of writing was painful - excruciating. I truly believed I had lost my drive and ambition to continue. When I put my fingers to the keyboard for the first time after a record-break of 16 days from December to January, I realized that was not true. That said, the novel I have worked on for four years (maybe more?) is undoubtedly and indefinitely on hold.

Its theme holds no appeal to me right now, and that is okay. It will take time to recover from this particular blow.

In terms of writing, one thing is clear. I need to utilize better daily planning with a detailed schedule to accomplish my goals on limited energy. The continued growth of Eclectic Pop is imperative at this point. I have come too far to get discouraged now. If Chewy can learn to believe again, so can I. So, I will continue with what I started towards the end of 2021.

The site’s growth and managing what to invest in writing about means learning what to hold off on, even if it intrigues me. As far as my personal life goes, I think the thing that hurts the most is trusting someone who does not deserve it and getting rattled that you cannot trust yourself at all. Your instincts are off, and it seems like you cannot believe anything you thought you could. If that sounds discombobulating, it is.

Hopefully, I am starting to find the ground again, thanks to some steady paws beside me.

That is it from me for now. I have to ask. Do you care about this behind-the-scenes look at my life? Or would you prefer to read between the lines when I cover entrainment? It is okay to answer “yes” to the latter. Cutting a vein is tough, and I am mainly doing it in hopes it could help someone else. Plus, it is somewhat cathartic. 

I kept a diary obsessively up until I was 19 (and still blonde). After that, I did not feel like talking about myself. So, writing this was really awkward, and it probably reads that way. I tend to be an open book to those who ask for info. Of course, you never asked for this, lol. So, let me know if you want me to stop. I would totally understand.

Please feel free to like, subscribe (here), comment, and share if you somehow enjoyed this. (It is a tough thing for me to ask.) Hopefully, brighter days are on the horizon for all of us. As always, thank you for reading. Until next time...

All the Best,

Britt